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What do you think of this kind of cheating? http://www.hipcomix.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=29&t=9074215 |
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Author: | Ashleychloroformed [ Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:08 am ] |
Post subject: | What do you think of this kind of cheating? |
Here's my story I hope you like it with everyone's else is input. As I make my debut I hope the readers enjoy it alot. Do not try what you are to read at home. Feedback I would to hear. What Do You Think Of This Kind Of Cheating? Part 1 (FFF) by My Divas (youngoneout3@yahoo.com) After hearing the news,Candice is excited that she will be competing in the number one contender's match to go up against the Trish Stratus for the Women's Championship. But she isn't thrilled who she has to face. And her opponent is none other than Ashley Massaro. So Candice wants the match to be instead of a regular match, she would like to change the match into a bikini pillow fight. Where the divas wrestle in bikinis with a King size bed in the middle of the ring and you have to pin your opponent in bed. Plus you have to tuck your opponent into win. Making it the first ever bikini pillow tuck-in match. The reason for Candice wanting this first match of its kind is she has a plan up her sleeve. So to make this match possible she couldn't demand it just like that or try to seduce Vince McMahon who is the Chairman and decides who wrestles who. So she has a sneaky way she thought of and that was to use her WWE fans online. Luckily she knew someone inside the WWE. She told her contact to setup a voting poll so fans could vote what kind of match that they would like to see Candice Michelle vs. Ashley Massaro compete in. The choices were. 1. A regular match 2. A lingerie match. 3. A new match called the first ever bikini pillow tuck-in match. And Mr. McMahon would find out online on the WWE home page. And seeing the new pole he was wondering who authorized this. But as he read the poll carefully he saw the results that were shocking and decides to go with the leading result. The result was that the fans voted for the Bikini pillow tuck-in match. The poll wasn't even close, the choice won by a landslide. At the closing of the pole Vince saw that there was an explanation of the rules of how the match is to be won. Candice wasn't done she had more schemes that still had to be arranged. Candice wasn't alone in this plot, Victoria was busy preparing a van she bought that was an old Ambulance but it was quickly fixed up on the outside and in the inside it was prepared for the plans they have. All of this preparation took weeks to carry but in a couple of days it was to be setup and planned for the night of Candice's number one contenders match against Ashley. Candice was now hoping as she was heading down the ring for tonight was her scheduled number one contenders match against Ashley. But as she entered the ring as soon as Monday Night Raw kicked off. Candice then got a microphone and started Talking. Candice Michelle: Hello everyone, as you know tonight I will be facing Ashley in a number one contenders match in which I am going to win whether you like it or not. Because Ashley I hope you are listening backstage. Tonight won't just be a regular match and oh yes Ashley don't be shocked. Later Mr. McMahon will announce what the match it is going to be. One more thing Ashley I hope you have a Bikini bra and panty set ‘cause you're going to have to where one for tonight's match. Let save me Mr. McMahon the trouble of announcing the match. Tonight's match will be the first ever bikini pillow tuck-in match. The rules are simple, all you have to do is pin your opponent in a king size bed that will be in the ring and tuck your opponent in by "WHAT EVER MEANS NECESSARY". That is if you can keep me from tucking you in Ashley. Candice smiles at her last comment and leaves the ring. King: Wow what announcement, I mean Candice Michelle just announced the first ever bikini pillow tuck-in match. Man would I love to see Candice and Ashley go at it in bed in their bikinis. I wonder what Ashley thinks about that. I do hope she has a bikini in her luggage bag. Meanwhile after the commercial break WWE unlimited shows the television audience by showing a segment of Candice browsing through her collection of bikinis, bras 'n panties and lingerie that she packed for tonight. Every time she picks out a set of bikinis the crowd reacts in the arena from which are watching the segment on the titantron. Ashley is walking down the hallway after watching the shocking announcement on screen backstage. Then she's approached by Maria and she asks her. Maria: Well hi, Ashley as she says enthusiastically. So Ashley what do you think of Candice's challenge towards you in the first ever ‘bikini pillow tuck-in match. As the crowd goes wild to Maria's question Ashley: Well Maria, it doesn't matter what kind of match I face Candice in, because she can't beat me in a regular match. Well Candice you got what you wanted you B... But before Ashley could finish, Candice cuts her off in saying. Candice: Well, well Ashley I hope you're prepared to lose in tonight's match (as Ashley looks on), because you are going to need it. Don't think you're beating me easily as she walks off when Raw airs off to go to commercial. When Raw returns to live on air live coverage of the first ever bikini pillow tuck-in match. King: Well. this is the moment we have been waiting for and it's our next match. Woo hooo, puppies Ashley vs. Candice for the number one contenders match with Having the right to face Trish Stratus for women's title. And J.R will miss this match due to an emergency. Ashley's music hits as she appears at the ramp walking down to the ring in her black silky robe and she enters the ring where a king size bed is situated in the middle of the ring. When Ashley enters the ring she goes over towards the bed. The bed is somewhat bouncy as Ashley tests the bed. Then Ashley disrobes revealing her sexy black bra and panty bikini set as the crowd reacts with cheers. Then Candice's music hits as she walks down with all the confidence that she will win the match with no difficulties. Then entering the ring with Ashley staring her down she ignores her and does her trademark entrance by suddenly opening her robe in a seducing manner. The crowd goes wild to her hot entrance as she is strutting in her white bra and panty bikini set. Then the two feuding divas square off with both trash talking each and finger pointing and then they start shoving one another. Then Candice turns her head after getting the last shove to her chest (breast) for just a second. Then Candice suddenly turns her head and sneaks in a straight front kick to Ashley in between her crotch below her waistline. Ashley goes down in pain on both her knees holding her crotch. Then Candice grabs a hand full of her hair and stands up Ashley still in pain and throws Ashley on to the bed rolling in pain. Candice takes her time getting in bed in sexy bed crawl style and then she goes for the pin on Ashley, 1 2 and Ashley kicks out. Candice then grabs a pillow and attempts to put Ashley away when she starts muffling and kicking and squirming wildly as the referee warns Candice and she backs off letting Ashley up for air. In control early of the match Candice goes off the bed and swings herself from ropes and comes flying on to the bed with a flying clothesline and hits Ashley who rose up from her dirty attack from Candice. Ashley the takes a fall backwards from the bed and falls off. Candice quickly picks up Ashley and sets Ashley up for DDT and nails it. Ashley is thrown on to the bed and Candice goes for the pin. 1 2 2.5 and Ashley barely kicks out. Candice gets on top of Ashley and delivers several slaps. And then Ashley and Candice start rolling and on the King size bed and Ashley gets the upper hand and starts giving right hands to Candice's face. Ashley starts getting off the bed dragging Candice along by her hair and swings her with two hands full of hair and lets go, throwing her like a doll as lands face first. Now stunned Ashley quickly grabs her by the panty waistline and executes a suplex. As Ashley swings herself to ropes she then lands on Candice with a splash but Candice moves away and Ashley hits nothing but the mat. Both divas down as Candice is the first to get up and grabs Ashley from behind wraps her with both arms on her neck to set her up on a sleeper. Ash ley now in trouble, Candice brings Ashley and throws herself along with Ashley still in a sleeper hold in bed and Candice wraps her sexy legs around Ashley's mid section stomach trying to squeeze the air out of Ashley as she loses consciousness. Then the ref begins the count and Ashley is slowly losing the fight to stay awake. 1 as the ref raises and drops Ashley's arm which falls down, 2 the ref again sees her arm drop limp and the third count she keeps her arm up. Ashley starts to fight back loosening Candice's sleeper hold as they both squirm and Ashley breaks the hold and fights off Candice by rolling away and kicks Candice back as she tries to get on top of Ashley. Ashley then grabs the staggered Candice and drags her off the bed and brings her standing up swinging Candice and as she bounces off the ropes she delivers a nasty clothesline. Ashley now in control gives a face buster to Candice and her face bounces off the mat. With that she picks up Candice and throws the stunned and dazed Candice on to the bed she goes for the pin. 1 2 and a kick out by Candice. And Ashley wanting to end this now she climbs to the tope rope corner where in her view sees Candice from the side of the bed. Then Ashley lunges towards Candice and puts her knees up playing possum with Ashley as she lands on her knees. Then Candice reaches for the pillow crawling over for she pulls out of the pillow a cloth. She gets ready to pounce on Ashley still in pain she awaits her stalking Ashley like she's prey and the second Ashley turns around Candice lunges towards Ashley colliding face to face with the cloth and Ashley lands on her back and Candice now pressing the clothes as Candice landing and staying on top of Ashley with the cloth. Ashley is startled that she is being chloroformed. Ashley: mmmmmpphhhh mmmmmpppphhhh nnhhhgggg mmmpphhhh hhhmmmmphhh! Ashley struggling as the fumes of chloroform invades her lungs. Trying to hold her breath, trying to fight off the chloroform. Candice feeling Ashley's lungs not taking in her chloroform decides to quicken the process. Candice: Breathe it in bitch, oh no you don't Ashley just take it. Time to go to bed bitch, I am winning this match and there's no hope for you. Candice then goes down and grabs Ashley crotch through her bikini panties with one hand still pressing hard on the cloth of Ashley's mouth and nose. As she opens up her mouth and takes a deep breath of chloroform. She then starts to lose her fight to stay awake. As her eyes start to flutter and roll back letting go several moans and whimpers (mmmpphhh mmmpphhh) trying so hard but she goes limp and her eyes completely shut close giving one soft muffled moan. Candice still presses the cloth after Ashley is out as she gives one last hard press on the cloth to Ashley. Then she let's go and then picks Ashley and drags her limp beautiful sexy bikini body and throws Ashley on to the bed and pins her. 1 2 3 and then she tucks in Ashley by rolling the bed covers on her. Candice: Good night Bitch you lose. Lilian: Here's your winner, CANDICE MICHELLE AND NOW THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER FOR WOMEN'S TITLE. Then referee checks on Ashley and signals for the EMT as Candice with a grin on her face skipping and strutting her stuff on her way up the ramp when the EMT worker comes down the ramp with a stretcher gurney not aware that it's Victoria is the disguised EMT worker and the ref helps the worker prepare Ashley on the gurney. And Victoria carts off Ashley with the crowd unaware of that it's really Victoria carting off Ashley. As Ashley is being carted off to the back Candice gets dressed and waits for Candice by the setup EMT van and she opens the back doors of the ambulance with the unconscious Ashley still in her black bikini. Candice and Victoria load the limp half naked Ashley into the van. Candice dressed in her short jeans shorts and a white blouse and long sleeves showing a lot a of cleavage sits in the back with Ashley. And Victoria gets in the drivers seat and drives off with Ashley with the crowd not paying attention to action that Ashley is being kidnapped in a fake Ambulance. As the scene turns back to inside the ambulance van. Candice starts to pull out the leather cuff straps and begins to strap in Ashley now knowing what Candice is doing to her. She then looks on the sleeping Ashley. Candice: Damn you do look kind of cute, but too bad I am going to have my fun with you right now whether you like it or not. She then reaches for her bag of toys. Candice then grabs her pussy digging and grabbing through her bikini panties and gives Ashley a long French kiss to Ashley. Still with one hand on her crotch Ashley starts getting wet through bikini panties. Candice then pulls down Ashley's bikini panties down to her ankles with Candice intending on having fun as she pulls out a dildo out of her bag. With Ashley still out from the chloroform she doesn't know what waits for as the van drives off into the night. |
Author: | Max Hass [ Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:23 am ] |
Post subject: | |
This is an interesting idea that needs a bit of massaging before I could call it a real story. The potential exists here for a nice WWE fan fiction, but the author needs to work on tenses. Casting every moment of the story in present tense when events happened in the past distracts from the way the story should flow. It's a tough concept to master, and makes for a more difficult task to undertake. But it is important and should be worked on. And quotation marks before and after the dialog is very important. Even if it requires a bit more writing to interject who is speaking, this should be done. Take some time to polish this up. Don't give up on the story. And read some other works to get a feel for the way a good narration can flow when the story is written properly. |
Author: | Ashleychloroformed [ Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:25 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Thanks for the correction, I really appreciate that you are the first to discover my writing flaws. ![]() |
Author: | BadaBoom [ Mon Nov 19, 2007 10:37 pm ] |
Post subject: | Bikinis |
Ashley Don't get disheartened. At least you are on the right track with girls in bikinis. You're on a winner with that theme ! |
Author: | Ashleychloroformed [ Mon Nov 19, 2007 10:44 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Thanks for the encouragements ![]() |
Author: | dumbtime [ Thu Nov 29, 2007 5:35 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Hey Ashley, I think you're on to something here. Like Max said it would be great for WWE and chlorophorm fan fiction. I'm just a novice at writing myself, but I have asked around for good techniques on "cleaning up" the writing skills. Lots of people are actually pretty helpful and give good pointers. One that I received a while back was to read your rough draft out loud to see if it made since when you said what you wrote. It helps to write more like you would natuarlly carry on a conversion or telling a good story. Write and then read it several times to see if that helps any. Most of the time, you come up with a better way to say what you want to say. I'm also fat fingered, so it helps with typing too. Also organizing the thoughts going into the story might help with the tense problem. Alot of times people think back and forth from present to past to present and sometimes future, and initially tend to write how they think. Reading something that doesn't stay consistent makes it difficult to maintain focus on what the writer is trying to say. Readers are interested in reading to pull out the thoughts of the writer, to be entertained or informed. They skip over confusion or tidious ideas. Working with Fin on FB has taught me how to fine tune even more when it comes to breaking the story down to dialogue and narration. If I would have tried that when I first attempted to write the Wonder Woman - the Government Guinea Pig, it would have come out better. Anyways I hope this helps. ![]() |
Author: | Finister [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:46 am ] |
Post subject: | |
You have incredible ideas Ashleychloroformed! it would be great to see you pursue writing or art or both with your creative urges... you have a gift...many people would love to read the comix or stories you come up with. Like try telling this idea from the point of view of the main character. |
Author: | Ashleychloroformed [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 10:35 am ] | |||||||||
Post subject: | ||||||||||
Thanks for the tips I wrote this over a year ago but since then my writing has improved but I will brush up on this story ![]() |
Author: | Ashleychloroformed [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 10:37 am ] | |||||||||
Post subject: | ||||||||||
Thanks Finister for reading the story and when I get the time I will maybe come out with an ongoing series ![]() |
Author: | BadaBoom [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 6:42 pm ] |
Post subject: | Just the story |
Something even more important than writing style is actually coming up with something original. Everything has kind of been done before. The only way we can overcome this is give it new concepts. Sometimes you can combine two themes and come up with something original. Guys like Stan Lee from Marvel must have had incredible imagination, he must have been in another world when writing and inventing all those characters for so many years... |
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